I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
