well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
