you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
People in love make me want to vomit
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
