I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
