Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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