A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize