porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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