evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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