you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
