What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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