I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
