I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the raccoons are back...
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