felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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