she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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