you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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