So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
