Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
