you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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