so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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