I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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