Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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