Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize