Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
