Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
