It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
