Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
