That's intense
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
