I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
