What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
