how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
