YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
