Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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