Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
