Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
