I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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