Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
