they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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