she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize