just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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