1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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