she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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