I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
