You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize