yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
