Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize