Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
