I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
