they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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