hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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