I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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