that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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