I think scott just propositioned me for sex
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
