Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
