Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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