I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
