I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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