I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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