He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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