Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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