You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
