Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
