so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
