made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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