That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
