if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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