I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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