i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
