Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
