I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
