Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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